love u, junia :)

I gave you everything and it still wasn't enough, it was never enough. u made me feel like I was nothing. made me believe that I was difficult to love. and like a fool I kept trying, I kept trying till it became too much. I got in so deep that I lost who I was :(. I knew it was toxic, I knew it wasn't right.
but no matter how bad things got I couldn't help but try. I told myself it would be different this time(After Jesseh). I just couldn't give up, constantly battling over whether this is love or lust?
cause if it's love.. then why was it so messed up? I would treat myself like nothing. yet to you I gave so much.. and then u go and break my heart.. tell me that you're sorry and that this is a fresh start.
and like a fool I'd wait. wait for the day you'd make another mistake. a part of me wants to speak up, but I hesitate. It's like u controlling me u've infected my brain. how do I escape when you've become a part of my dna? even when you're gone I'm still the one left with all the pain. she said, she's sorry.
she told me she didn't mean it and that she's going to change. and I choose to believe her when she says she won't hurt me again.(like Jesseh did). I'm not expecting you to understand. go ahead, judge me :) but if I lose her, I'll have nobody. do u get that? who wants to live a life where they're alone and empty? I need her just as much as she needs me. in some sick twist of fate, she completes me.
that's why it works, we just keep going till one of us inevitably gets hurt. so yeah, I choose to stay :) because the last time I says "break" to my ex, she's gone and never back. that's why now I choose to stay. go ahead and call me weak, I'm not expecting u to understand, just know that leaving someone, it's not that easy. She's gotten into my mind and without her I'm paralysed. to the point where I force myself to believe her everytime she apologise, even though I know it's all lies. every waking moment I'm sad, I've gotten used to it, it doesn't hurt so much anymore, I've become numb to it, I've become sore, and in some sick twisted way? she's my only cure. what can I say? I'm incredibly flawed.
Love isn't like u see on tv,netflix or anymore. this is what it's like. this is my reality. it's not as magical as they portray it in a Disney movie. it's a lot of pain and sacrifice. you just keep pushing until you bleed.

byebye :)
your weird lover, Galby.